When it comes to the stage of getting to know someone in terms of dating, there are a few things that I want to know right away versus allowing time to lay it out for me. I'm just not the type of person who wants to take chances when it comes to important things.
See, I hold time as something that's almost sacred as one can't take it back, I believe it's one of the most valuable things we could ever invest on someone so if from the beginning it's clear that something isn't going to work because of fundamental differences, I suggest you cut ties with that person before you get too emotionally involved regardless of chemistry.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
So let's save ourselves from disappointment and let's not expect them to change to conform to us.
Back to my non-negotiables, here they are without further ado:
- Motherhood. The dude who wants to date me should know and be okay that I'm a mom & will always be one no matter how old my child gets. And if he wants to be part of my life, he should know and be respectful of my relationship and responsibility to my child.
- Family. I once dated someone who, unfortunately, didn't grow up with good family ties. Not his fault, but once we started dating and he saw how close I am to mine, this threatened/intimidated him and caused a lot of arguments to the point where he started creating boundaries and doing things with hopes that I would distance myself from my family. Operative word: dateD
- Faith. I don't consider myself religious nor do I require my partner to be, but I can't date a guy who doesn't believe in a higher power or worst, would ridicule my faith. I don't care what he calls his supreme being, I just think that someone who doesn't believe that that there's something or someone greater than him is not only arrogant but also (from experience) often incapable of empathy.
- Ambition. Yes, I'm the type who asks the interview question pertaining to short & long term goals. Not only does this give me a feel of this person's emotional availability (long-term v casual), it's also indicative of this person's motivation and if he has any drive.
- And then there's sex. If the dude is trying to get it on from the get-go I'm gone in 60 seconds or less only because more often than not, it's the only thing that dude's after. But if that's what YOU want then go for it.
I'm all for compromises but I will not bend these fundamental issues for someone. My family, faith, & future is important to me and if we're too far apart in the spectrum then I don't see how it's all going to work.