Giveaways


COMING SOON...

July 22, 2016

Gush & Gripe: Adulting & Other Anxieties


Hey Supies, what's up?! 

I've been in and out of the blogosphere (in case you noticed) because adulthood is hitting me hard lately. My reading has fallen to the wayside, 16 books behind my Goodreads goal *gasp*, and fiction has ceased to be an escape for me. So many things have happened, happening, and will happen, that it's now become overwhelming I want to take a vacation from myself!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not griping about these challenges because I asked for a lot of these bumps. Well not specifically, but I did ask the Universe for change, and because someone or something is listening, it decided to grant my wish and test me on so many levels at the same time. And so here I am, riding the wave and this short of losing my mind! Whoever said be careful what you wish for wasn't kidding.



Now I'm not the type who cowers from a good challenge especially if it's life changing and has the potential to help me better myself. I've perfected my coping mechanism early on which consists of wine, chips, aromatherapy, isolating myself, and making sure that my resting bitch face is fierce.

Going back to my issues, I just realized that my 30's has been this one long existential journey for me. On the outside, you can say that I'm at my lowest based on society's standards of where I should be at my age. And I'm not even going to deny it, the superficial aspect has been a point of insecurity for me for sure. But in my moments of clarity, I realize that like my 37yo self versus the 30yo me. Trust me when I say that I was such a c**t back then with a chip on my shoulder the size of Everest. The worse part? I wear the Big Bad Bitch badge with pride!


Then it all came to a head and I'm happy I was lucid enough to see that I dislike this person I've become. And so I decided to change shit minus the careful planning and so I ended up with this huge life goal and a big mess to untangle which has now become Herculean. But I've come this far, done a lot of work, done my fair share of crying, emoting, and shit and giving up is not an option for me at this point. *Carry on*

You know in movies where things are just going crazy before the resolution/HEA? I feel (heck, I hope!) I'm on that part of the story now. I feel so weary, emotionally spent, and mentally exhausted by this process I believe I've developed serious anxiety. For the past week or so I've been battling with myself, making a conscious effort to calm the fuck down because I've been so anxious!

I know I'm not alone in this, I've mentioned this on Facebook the other day and some of you gave me some tips (thanks, everyone!). Meditation and exercising helps, but the relief is temporary, the upside is I'm now working out a lot more so at least I'm losing a few lbs.; alcohol helps but I don't want to be an alchie so I'm doing that only when all else fails; prescription drugs isn't my thing; and someone suggested sex, LMAO, now where do I find myself a hot f*ckboy...







Talk Supe


47 comments:

  1. I do hope you are finally reaching the end of the struggle and good things will happen! Anxiety is never fun. I've been dealing with it probably my whole life. I'm glad that exercise helps some and it's an added benefit of helping you lose weight. If only I could get myself to exercise more. haha

    -Lauren

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, I hope we can get through our episodes in a productive way. Anxiety is such a hard beast to manage

      Delete
  2. And my comment is gone, sigh.

    Yoga, yes, that is a good advice whoever said that.

    As for the rest, since I do not know what truly is going down, my best

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending you virtual hugs, B. I've been in your shoes earlier this year, but I've learned to be humble and accepting of things I have no control of. I've also learned to own up to my mistakes and accept my part in my situation. It's not easy because what comes after that is days and months of thinking about things that I should have and shouldn't have done. Such is life, though.

    I hope you'll feel better soon. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Joy, I appreciate your words. It's hard to be accepting when you're a control freak so I guess that's the lesson the Universe is trying to teach me. Here's to hoping I'll finally learn it this time around.

      Delete
  4. Life changes are hard.

    I never really worried about my age specifically but I have spent my life afraid to push out of my comfort zone or retreating to do only what was deemed "age appropriate" but I decided a few years ago to stops worrying about people's opinions that just don't matter.

    Now, the world itself right now is depressing me. And there's really no other solution than avoidance. Reading doesn't seem to be working for me so my coping mechanism seems to watching cartoons lol

    Sending {{hugs}} and good vibes your way

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I should hit you up some more, Karen, pick your thoughts and get some sage advice. :)

      Delete
  5. I can't control a lot of the things going on in my life right now, but the things I can, I do. And my depression and anxiety only prolongs the agony, so I have to take meds to see around the BS. I've been told I'm a moody b***h by a few ppl in my life, but I couldn't care any less than I do now. I have to shut myself away from others whenever I can. There are days when I think that I'm cursed. Seriously, you won't believe all the challenges I've faced since high school, college, to living this adult life. I'm only 34 and I have streaks of gray at my temples. *Sending you virtual hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Lekeisha, my love and positive thoughts are with you. I don't know what you're going through but I do know how hard it is to struggle and survive. But we're strong and we'll get through this so let's hold hands and keep it together. :)

      Delete
  6. Braine so sorry to hear all your personal struggles, I know this past year has been an exceptionally challenging one for me too and all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and as you said above carry on! You are in my thoughts and I'm sending all my good vibes your way. Glad you're getting some sage advice and happy to know you're still on track. Keep up the good work!!! Love you xo <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, love! That's the best I can get right now and I'll take it :)

      Delete
  7. Cannabis works for me occasionally for anxiety, I drink Sangria once in a great while as well. Personal growth is hard!! I also have learned that laughter and a wicked sense of humor, with the ability to laugh at myself works wonders. Keep going with your head held high!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh I wish I handle pot better, lol, I'll take alcohol any day though :)

      Delete
  8. I respect you for putting yourself out there while you are still feeling sore and raw. Sounds like folks gave you some good advice. I find having a long-term plan is good, but then only focusing on one step at a time so it doesn't all get so overwhelming. Wishing you well as you work through the tangles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find it the hardest to keep going when a sucession of discouraging things are happening. It's like wearing a Kevlar vest against a rain of bullets, you'll maybe survive but you'll still feel it. Thanks, Sophia!

      Delete
  9. You've got this <333 Just hang in there, and you can always vent to me if you need to!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, baby, and thanks for the DM. Cutting off caffeine on my worst days helped lots!

      Delete
  10. Braine, I'm sorry to hear you're having so many life problems right now but I hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you and that once you get there the anxiety won't be as bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hoping for the best and not even entertaining "the worst" at this point. Thanks, Mary!

      Delete
  11. Changes can be so hard but I admire your strength and bravery (because it is brave to make changes!) to do what you want and to be a better you. I wish you luck in all that is coming your way and all that you are going through. I know in the end it will be worth it and you will be so happy and stronger for it. *hugs* Hang in there!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Ali, I'm doing my best. I can only hope that it will lead to better things and not a total waste of time in the end.

      Delete
  12. I think each of has, or will be in your situation, but I think it's normal. Sometimes this is the best way for us to stop what we're doing and take an internal look at what's going on. It's when we keep going and don't realize it, is when we seem to get in the most trouble. But if anyone can get through them, it's definitely you, Braine. You know we love you! Hugs...and continue to hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm comforted by the fact that I am indeed not alone in this which helped boost my confidence in writing this. I don't usually get personal with my posts, but I also feel like after 5 years, I can share it with you guys and maybe I'll get some sage advice or a healthy dose of encouragement.

      Thanks, Ro! Hugs!

      Delete
  13. i feel you on so many levels with this post...Im still waiting for the change but I know when it comes, I'll probably still be a hot ass mess. hopefully, the mess wont be sooo...messy? lols. I can say that you will have your pockets of relief evey now and in between...hoping it clears up for you soon but wine is a big help too :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers! If you live close to me, I'll hit you up as a drinking buddy

      Delete
  14. Sending positive thoughts your way, sis. I find that exercise definitely helps when I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed- I'll go and get the endorphins pumping! When I got my planner at the beginning of the year, I wrote a list of things to remind myself when life gets tough, like I'm going to make mistakes and can't beat myself up over them, life can't always go the way I want it to, etc. I go back to them whenever I'm feeling down, and for whatever reason, seeing those things on paper makes me feel better. I hope all works out for you. *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Lee! I'm trying to keep a Gratitude journal, it helps sometimes, and exercise helps a lot. I just don't understand where all this anxiety is coming from. It's literally a battle, like I find myself doing a monologue sometimes lol

      Delete
  15. Yes, sex always helps. Try Craigslist. lol. Seriously though, good for you for being so self-aware and taking the steps you need to get where you want to be. Good luck, chica!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Do they come with complimentary, triple layer condoms?

      Delete
  16. ah yes it's always something complicated but I hope everything will end up ok for you. good luck my friend

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh Braine I can definitely hear your anxiety, sometimes when you find yourself in that situation it's best to let it all out. Because only then can you find the strength to go on, it's all a part of the journey you know? Think of relaxing and recharging the batteries like giving yourself more energy and strength. Take care girl and don't be too hard on yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm trying to rationalize things because some of my anxiety feels illogical. It helps sometimes, I read somewhere that it's a matter of practice so that's what I do when it gets too tough to manage. Positive reinforcement

      Delete
  18. Girl, I feel ya. I'm turning 30 in Sept and I've been stressing a bit about it. It seems like all my friends have careers and are going places and well... I'm not. I mean, I don't even have a job! With the Mister's job and us moving every couple years due to it, it makes things difficult, but even at 29 I don't know what I want to do with my life and that scares the crap out of me. I feel like there's something wrong with me for not having my sh*t figured out by now. I really hope your close to the end of your struggles. :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh don't, you have a stable relationship and a lot of people would envy you of that. That's one of the things that I learned, and it's to NOT keep up. Our journeys are unique so don't let that pressure you into wanting something that will go against what you currently have.

      Thank you for the well wishes :)

      Delete
  19. Anxiety is a bitch. I've been going through it a bit too. I know mine is also mixed with a little depression. A co-worker suggested that I write down 10 things I like about myself and put them on my mirror so I look at it every morning and at my desk at work to look at when I get down. It was difficult to come up with my list, but it is helping. I hope that things are starting to get better for you. {{hugs}}

    Melanie @ Hot Listens & Rabid Reads

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that surprising and a little sad? I did that too and that was a good awakening in that I realized it does start with me. If I can't even find anything I like about myself, what more if it's another person?

      Oh Mel, let's hug and we'll get over this. This too shall pass. It has to!

      Delete
  20. It's so hard to actively change something about yourself. Adulting sucks, but sometimes it's awesome. You just need to get back into awesome mode. I'm turning 31 in a little over a week and all I want to do is cry at where my life is at.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh to be 31 again!
      And I agree, Adulting sucks balls! I thought I hated my teen years, now in comparison it was a blast!

      Delete
  21. Oh Braine, sending you big hugs and positive waves - changes are hard, but wow, you sound so fierce and determined - I admired that. Keep it up!! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's the best I can do in a situation I can't control: soldier on!

      Delete
  22. Awe, I feel for you. Adulting is hard, finding yourself is hard. Don't worry about society, friends, fam ..focus on you and what makes you happy. Let any anxiety from things you cannot control go. Most of all learn to love you..

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sending lots and lots of hugs your way, Braine! I hope you'll find some ways to deal with the anxiety so it won't completely take over your life, my dear.
    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

    ReplyDelete
  24. lol It's AMAZING how life can be like that some times and just hit you all at once. That really is a phrase (careful what you wish for) that I've had to come to terms with here as well. That was my 20s for me (when I started my business) and gah eventually I was like okay I'm ready to tap out. lol Hope things calm down and straighten out for ya soon!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Just gotta keep your head up and remember you've made progress :) GL and I hope you enjoy reaidng again

    ReplyDelete

My reviews are subjective & does not reflect that of Talk Supe's followers.

Also I LOVE commenting back so if you're checking out a post, leave a line or two and I promise to visit your blog back. Let's feed each other's blogger soul!