If you've read a super sexy novel or erotica, I think you'll agree with me that these... people are superhumans. I mean I'm not going to pretend that I know all there is to know about sex, I just live vicariously through these people. Still I know a little biology and health science and some of the things I've read are so out there that I'm convinced that the lead characters in erotic novels have an extra chromosome or two. Here's why:
- They don't get STI or even UTI! All that sleeping around and not even a rash or an allergic reaction. Ladies, let's be real here, if you don't pee after, your chances of getting UTI is up there. And what's up with the "clean waiver"? Like "yeah I'm clean, you're clean, doesn't matter that we're strangers, let's have unprotected sex." *rolls eyes* And these women just cuddle and wake up without morning breath the next day. Zero morning breath being reason 1.5.
- And just like werewolves or the otherworldly, the men can pick their mate out of the crowd. And once they zero in on you, you might as well get yourself a ball and chain because you're not going anywhere. Consider yourself possessed by your man.
- How about their endurance? Like 5 orgasms in a row or sex all day? I was young too, so I get appetite, these people on the other hand are just voracious, juicy, and just tireless! Don't get me wrong, it sounds awesome, I'm jealous for sure, at the same time, it's so superhuman! Maybe I should start training for marathons?
- Condoms be poppin! Remember Christian Grey? The dude has condoms everywhere, all the time. Like I'm half convinced he's Spiderman, I think he has a device that creates this web that forms into a condom when the need arises.
- They have killer sense of smell. Like they can smell your arousal from across the room? Hmmm... from what I know, pheromones are odorless so unless they're part canine, or some animal, the only way they can smell "it" is if the lady's bits haven't been washed or wiped in a long time. Okay, that's just eww!
These are all I have so feel free to add to the list.
And don't take it the wrong way, erotica is a non-magical version of fantasy. It's selling an idea with a guarantee that everything will work out in the end. Very contrary to real life, but it's a worthy escape. And to clarify, my list isn't a criticism, in fact I envy these people! The relationships are just so absolute, even the dubious one, and there's comfort in having a guarantee. At the same time, it's also so out there, you know what I mean?
That said, I feel like sex is so overrated. Don't you?
The new generation might not know it, but I remember the days where showing your boobs is R-rated, men don't show their dingdongs, and vaginas are artfully shown. And these things just happen on cable TV. Now even primetime is getting raunchier, it's hard to watch TV with kids nowadays. And don't get me started on the Billboard Top 40 songs. I thought Two Live Crew was dirty, some of the songs these days is just... icky. It might be hidden in metaphors, but I don't feel comfortable hearing my 5yo niece singing Anaconda or some shit like that.
In terms of books, I love erotica and sexy romances, but lately I find myself skipping the rest of the sex scenes after the first one. There's only so many ways you can put your tongue, finger, penis, or some other accoutrement, in a hole, so I'm good.
I don't know if it's my age, or if I'm getting desensitized and saturated, but sex in fiction has lost its effect on me. Excitement, arousal, shock, even distataste, I don't feel these anymore lately. I don't feel the sexual response anymore, I'm after the characters' emotional connection and the evolution of their relationship.
So why do I still read erotica?
It's hard to explain because my answer is abstract. I can only compare it to people reading NA (which I generally don't like). I love how raw the emotions are, how vulnerable the characters get in the moment, how faith-full they are to each other and trusting of their love. That unfiltered, unprocessed feelings is what I find so appealing, add some thrilling mystery and I call it a perfect read.