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August 17, 2015

Pick Up Lines: Jack Gets His Man by D.E. Haggerty

Jack Gets His Man
D.E. Haggerty
The Gray-Haired Knitting Detectives 2
Romantic Comedy | M/M
July 1, 2015

Jack’s life is awesome. His store is making money hand over fist and his best friend has found love. So what if he’s feeling a bit restless and put out about his upcoming birthday and his ex is being a pain in his fabulous behind? That’s nothing he can’t handle. But then his smoking hot new bookkeeper discovers things at the store aren’t actually as they seem. Someone is playing fast and loose with the finances. Jack’s bestie and his gal pals, the gray-haired knitting detectives, jump at the chance to solve Jack’s problems. When they aren’t re-enacting scenes from spy thrillers, they’re setting Jack up on dates and generally insinuating themselves into his love life. They’re determined to find love for Jack as well as his missing money. Will Jack catch a thief or find love? Either way Jack’s going to get his man.


Jack & Pick-Up Lines


I’m a man, which means – gay or not – I spend more time than is probably healthy in bars trying to pick up men. I’m not conceited or anything, but I’m a pretty good-looking man, which leads to other men sometimes trying to pick me up as well. Unfortunately, this does not always lead to hot and sticky situations. Sometimes it’s just plain embarrassing. So, here they are: the five most embarrassing pick-up lines a man has used on me. And the five most embarrassing pick-up lines I’ve used that actually worked. Use at your own peril!



Pick-up lines used on me:

  1. Some guy actually came up to me and in a Yoda voice said “Go home with me tonight you will”. I spit my drink in his face I was laughing so hard. 

  2. A really geeky guy approached me once and said “Excuse me, can I please practice my pick-up lines on you”. I said “Sure, go ahead!” He just stared at me blankly and walked away. I didn’t realize it was a pick-up line itself until his face deflated. Then, I felt bad and followed him and offered him a beer. We didn’t go home together but we had a few laughs after that. 

  3. A really hot man came up to me and said in a somewhat girly voice: “Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again?” I laughed so hard I nearly fell off my bar stool. Not at the pick-up line. Who hasn’t heard that one a million times? But his voice! It just didn’t match his body. I kind of felt sorry for him. 

  4. Some man ran up to me out of breathe and said “I've lost my friend, she has my phone!” I, perhaps a bit naïvely, offered to call the phone on his behalf. When his phone rang in his pocket, I just shook my head at him and walked away.

  5. And we’ve all heard this one. Has it actually ever worked for someone? Not that I know. "Did it hurt when God dropped you from heaven?” 



Pick-up lines I’ve used that surprisingly worked:

  1. I once was feeling just a teensy weensy bit tipsy on cosmos and proceeded to sing to a man – “If I told you, you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” I then cuddled up to him and started to dance with him as I continued to sing. I woke up the next morning with a hangover, naked in his bed. Score!

  2. I’ve used this lame pick-up line successfully once: “I'm no Fred Flintstone but I'll make your bed rock”. It probably helped that it was Halloween and my target was dressed like Dino (Fred’s pet dinosaur in case you grew-up under a rock). 

  3. I went through a phase where I thought men with glasses were hot so I was sure my line “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” would pull with the smart-crowd. But the man I used it on answered “It depends on the bear.” I stared at him and told him the correct answer was no so that I could give him my lame pick-up line of: “Neither do I, but it sure broke the ice”. He laughed and bought me a drink. And yeah, I took him home with me. 

  4. Desperate because I saw a hot man and was totally tongue-tied, I used one of the lame pick-up lines mentioned above. I told him I lost my phone. He offered to call it for me and I just stared at him because I couldn’t remember my phone number. So I, very lamely said, “I can’t remember my own name, let alone my phone number with you around.” He, very graciously, took me home and let me forget my own name for several hours.

  5. And the most corny pick-up line I ever used that worked? “Forget about Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. I'll be your man.” 

What about you? What pick-up lines have you used that worked? Which pick-up lines has someone used on you that made you roll your eyes and walk away?





Jack groaned and hid his face in his hands. This is what his life was reduced to? Getting set up on blind dates by eighty-year-old grandmas? He was pretty sure this was the definition of pathetic.

“I don’t know whether I love them or want to strangle them. When their attention is on someone else, I want to worship at their conniving little feet. But when they sink their claws into me, I want to scream like a little girl and go hide.”

“Underwear,” Betty repeated. “Why do you need cross-dressing underwear?”
Jack’s face pinked slightly. “Well, you know, to tuck certain assets away.”
The ladies giggled and glanced at his package, which was obviously not tucked away. Clearing his throat and resisting temptation to cover his family jewels with his hands, Jack continued. “And on this side, we have the big and beautiful section for women.”

Jack, Izzy, and the ladies met up at Izzy’s house the following night. The women were tittering in excitement. They had obviously coordinated their going-on-recon outfits. Their matching ensembles consisted of black, stretchy pants, black blouses, and black orthopedic shoes. They even had matching black scarves to hide their silver locks. Jack wondered if he should be escorting them to a casual funeral instead of going on this so-called recon mission. 

“Hands in the air. Drop to your knees” was shouted at them. Blinded by a flashlight, it was impossible to identify the speaker.
Martha huffed. “There is no way I’m going to my knees, young man,” she yelled at the light.
“Me either. I’ll never be able to get up again,” Ally agreed and put her hands on her hips in protest.

Jack shook his head but quickly dropped to his knees. Only he would get caught while snooping with two grandmas who refused to listen to the police. He hung his head and pretended he was somewhere else, anywhere else. 




I was born and raised in Wisconsin, but think I’m a European. After spending my senior year of high school in Germany, I developed a bad case of wanderlust that is yet to be cured. My flying Dutch husband and I have lived in Ohio, Virginia, the Netherlands, Germany and now Istanbul. We still haven’t decided if we want to settle down somewhere – let alone where. I’m leaning towards somewhere I can learn to surf even though the hubby thinks that’s a less than sound way to decide where to live. Although I’ve been a military policewoman, a commercial lawyer, and a B&B owner, I think with writing I may have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. That’s assuming I ever grow up, of course. Between playing tennis, running much slower than I would like, trying to adopt every stray dog within a 5-mile radius, traveling to exotic new locales, singing off tune, drinking entirely too many adult beverages, addictively watching new movies and reading books like they are going out of style, I write articles for a local expat magazine and various websites, review other indie authors’ books, write a blog about whatever comes to mind and am working on my sixth book.


Follow D. E. Haggerty
Website | Amazon | Facebook | @denaehaggerty | Google+ | Goodreads | Pinterest



Let me know if you've tried or heard any of the pick-up lines shared by Jack, and if it actually worked! 




Talk Supe




44 comments:

  1. Thanks for letting me write this guest post for Talk Supe. It was so much fun!

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    1. Thank you for asking Jack to share this with us :)

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  2. lol what a fun post there! thanks for sharing!

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    1. You're welcome. Happy to make y'all smile

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  3. Okay, this is an awesome post! :D I'm trying to pick my favorite pick up line that was listed but I'm having a hard time choosing lol

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    1. Hahaha! Oh gosh, it's been so long since I've heard one first hand.

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  4. Nice post :) Interesting pick-up lines. And now I feel old, dude. It's been forever and a day since pick-up lines were still a part of my evening entertainment. They have, since, been replaced with: "Mom, I need help with my Maths homework!" LOL :D

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    1. Yeah right! I bet your hubby still romances you, you hot stuff you!

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  5. Fun post that made me giggle! I like #5 in the ones that worked! Congrats on this release!

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    1. That is a very geeky/sexy and bold thing to say.

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  6. LOL!

    I hate pick up lines but the book sounds like fun. I would have loved to see better comebacks though. ;)

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    1. Next time I'll do that, thanks for the suggestion ;)

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  7. Nope, but I sure got a giggle out of those. This sounds like a must-read book. Thanks for the intro!

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    1. I recommended you guys to her since I don't read much MM and I know you and Sherri do!

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  8. What a fantastic and fun post, and the book is totally getting picked up! Hugs...

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    1. She will be happy to read this! Thanks, Ro!

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  9. I have never, ever used pick-up lines on anybody! Haha. Maybe it's because I'm such an introvert or a hermit, but when I was single, I made really good guy friendships (just friendships) with people by being myself + talking about the stars (you know who's a keeper if they can somehow philsophize with you). IT was fun to read the pick-up lines used on you and the ones you used that scored, though~

    Faye at The Social Potato

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    1. Pinoy culture is so different. The ones who uses these are the super douchebags lol

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  10. -snort- Fun post. I grabbed this book awhile back. It sounds pretty funny.

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  11. Omigosh! This made me laugh so hard! And reminisce about stupid pick up lines used on me. I once had a guy tell me I looked like Michelle Pfeiffer...that was hysterical. And I also had a guy once ask "So, are you going to have sex with me or what?" Or what was absolutely my answer. ;) Thanks for the fun post, Braine!

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    1. Hey lady, you are hawt so Pfieffer it is! I'm going to start calling you Pfeiffer now. Also, OR is a great answer!

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  12. Too funny ..thank for the snorts and giggles!

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    1. YW anything to help y'all brighten your days :)

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  13. Bwahahaha!! I love those lines! I had a good laugh!

    Naomi @ Naomi’s Reading Palace

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  14. Ha! I love Jack :-)

    Thankfully, I haven't had to use or hear pick up lines for a looong time. lol

    Karen @For What It's Worth

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  15. Oh wow that Yoda pick-up line, priceles. I don't think I could keep a straight face either if someone says that to me. Or maybe reply back in a yoda voice "Go home alone, you will". At least you know he watched star wars, that's a good thing, right? These were fun to read. I almost can't believe people actually say those things!

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    1. I think I'm the type of person who'll fall for it not because it's brilliant, but because it's funny and I love funny guys!

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  16. Oh my god these are hilarious! I loved the failed one about the guy with the girly voice. Lmao!

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    1. At least we got a good laugh about it, although poor fella with the voice...

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  17. Replies
    1. I think that's the favorite one here.

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  18. Thanks everyone! I'm glad the post managed to make someone laugh

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  19. Omg he is hilarious! If his personality shows like this through his writing, then I can only imagine what his book is like! I've never had to use pick-up lines, but I've had quite a few used on me. The " Damn girl, aren't you tired from walking through my mind all day " seems to be a guys personal favorite line to use on me lol. This was such a fun post Braine!

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    1. Hahaha, I'm so happy you enjoyed this one!

      If that's the case, then you should pick up one of the books & give it a go ;)

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