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August 4, 2015

Gush 'n Gripe: Haters Gonna Hate, Hate, Hate








4 years of blogging has opened my eyes to a lot of personalities in this sphere. So even if the vast majority of blogs I follow are FANTASTIC, there are a few stragglers that skipped out on taking their daily dose of Happy pills. And inasmuch as I try to tolerate the BS, live and let live, I just have to bid ADIOS to some because I don't need more negativity in my life. Have you watched the news lately?! Here's a few scenarios where I just dropped the mic:

  • Blogger listed a few series s/he won't touch and proceeded to bash the series. Ummm, excuse me? You HAVEN'T READ THE BOOKS! How can you sit there and rant over something you barely even know?!
  • Blogger kept on posting "snarky" (it's really not) discussion posts. Let me put my two-cents on this one: Snark requires humor aka wit aka considerable grey matter. Snarky is supposed to be funny, not hateful!
  • This last one isn't hateful, it's just depressing. This particular blogger kept going on and on and on about the woes of her life. I mean I wish you the best, but it's hard to find happiness when all you focus on are the miseries of your life. 

Those are just a few I recall, I'm sure I can come up with more if I think about it long enough. But that's not the point I'm trying to make here. I've noticed that people just gravitate towards negativity be it a bad review or a ranty post (like this?).

I've noticed it on Talk Supe's review posts too! For some reason, books that were rated 2 and below have more page views than the ones who got 3 and up. Now why is that? Is it for the sake of having balanced expectations? Unbridled delight that a book failed for someone? I've also read accounts bullying where a reader was ganged up on because s/he LOVED the book that a lot of people disliked.

What gives?!

And don't get me wrong, I know I can be a hater too! I can't stand Kendall and Kyle Jenner (sorry if you're a fan), people who overshare on social media (we don't want to see your #freshlyfucked smiling faces), Nicki Minaj and her race card, Vladimir Putin, Victoria Secret models, ISIS, and all the bigots in the world. 

But I can't control them! I can just control ME and the surefire way to do that is avoid them haters like the plague!

And don't even get me started on Trolls! From a Wise Woman aka Shelley:

There's that saying that if you can't say something nice, keep your blarking mouth shut! That goes for Twitter too, making comments on blogs, or wherever you may roam on the internet.

So guys, how do you deal with the haters? Do you ignore them or has there ever been a moment where you can't help but engage?


Note: This Gush & Gripe edition is inspired partly by Heidi's Tell Me Tuesdays at Rainy Day Ramblings






Talk Supe


64 comments:

  1. The third one on the list is me, isn't it? I knew it. Everyone hates me! :D Seriously though, I've stopped following a blog or two because of all the negativity. I'm not talking about the occasional rant and such, but when it's constantly. It wears on a person after so long. It's like, dude, let me buy you a fucking cupcake, maybe you'll feel better.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes, it's you! Was it that obvi? LOL

      That's my attitude towards that too. Like lighten up! Find away to get out of the rut even for just a day. Leave the wallowing and sulking to the toddlers.

      Delete
  2. There will always be people we can't deal with. I have someone like that on instagram like now, I am all, I wanna unfollow, but what if she gets sad? Sigh

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    1. Is it me?? Is it me?? Now we're all getting paranoid. LOL

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  3. I wrote a discussion post about how this community as a whole is attracted to negativity. It's really sad to think about and I hate that my negative reviews on GR get more likes/views than my positive ones. I feel like I put more effort into my positive ones. And I'm someone who likes reading more positive reviews than negative ones.
    But anyways, I've had to unfollow a bunch of bloggers too over my 4 years. I especially can't stand it when a blogger hates 90% of what they read. I just keep thinking that they must be leading such sad lives! The last one bothers me a bit too, especially on Twitter. Thankfully, Twitter has a mute button that allows you to mute people who you don't want to see on your feed without them having to know it.
    Good on you for taking the steps to be happier, Braine! :D

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    1. I'm with you on the positive reviews. Like you want to sell the book so bad so that people will love it as much as you did if not more.

      I don't spend as much time on social media, I stick to blog hopping. I might lose my shit especially on FB. We don't want to know that you ran out of milk and had to grab one on your way home from work. :|

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  4. I don't like negativity either, this is a fun hobby for me and I want it to stay that way. I don't need added stress from hate posts or whatever, like you said, there is more than enough of that in the news. ;)

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    1. I'm all for the first amendment and all the freedom that goes with it. It's just hard to tolerate it when that freedom is used to "hate" instead of fixing

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  5. Ah-men, sister! I mean I like snarky, but not when the point is to be mean, you know? Any review can be a bit snarky, if that's your personality, even 5 stars reviews will include a bit of snark because it's just how to do your thing, lol. But that's cool if a - it's actually funny (well said, grey matter matters :D ), and b - it's not the point of the post, you know?

    People do totally gravitate toward mean stuff, even if they don't actually engage in it. I think it's the whole schadenfreude thing, plus maybe it's a bit cathartic to witness others being total b!tches when you generally refrain from it? I don't like people being mean for any reason, but I hate it when they do that with the deliberate purpose to draw attention - and even more so when it works, lol! Don't give a$$holes attention when they're doing that in order to get the attention, it totally validates their scheme and only encourages them to do worse the next time, right?

    But I guess it's arbitrary, we all draw the line between snark and actual b!tchiness where we deem fit. The glory and doom of the online world in particular is that it lets us manifest ourselves however we feel like. What we can do to protect ourselves from the drama is to simply not pay it attention, as you've said.

    The depressing line is one I stay away from too, generally. Maybe I'm a b!tch for saying so, but we all have issues, right? We each deal with our stuff and move the eff on, right? It's part of what being a human being is about. I tend to see people ranting in despair about their personal issues as big time attention-seekers. Again, giving it attention only encourages more drama, and actually worsens the issues of the one doing it, imho. If you feel your issues are beyond what you can manage on your own, seek professional help, and with it move on. Don't celebrate your inability to deal, do something to overcome it. Right? I'm being totally mean, am I not, lol?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You're not being mean...

      As for the snarky, it can be tricky to pull off. Sometimes it doesn't translate as snark and only the people who really know you can get the humor.

      And yup, sometimes these haters act like toddlers so the solution is to ignore them when they throw their tantrums.

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  6. I ignore them, simple as that. Life is already hard, let's not make it harder :) I almost pity those people who feel like they have to troll and hate in order to exist...

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    1. Yeah because they'd rather pick on someone else than face and fix their own miseries.

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  7. Life is never easy. I think that my negative reviews or the books that I have given a DNF review to get more pageviews, which is just sad...but a fact that most people want to see what was so bad about said book, but I also think that people have forgotten that there's another person who has feelings. You can only control your actions...no one else's. Trolls are the worst by the way. Good post SW.

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    1. These trolls are the perfect example of what abusing freedom of speech looks like.

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  8. LOL I tend to make a ranty post about the haters then I'm good to go. Heh Yeah I kind of add to it there I guess. OOps!

    I wonder sometimes about the negative reviews. Sometimes I think it's because some people only trust those to be honest vs the 4-5 star ones they think are 'bought' by being given a review copy. But I may be jaded on that. Who knows.

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    1. Your rant about the Amazon gang-up is what I was referring to in this post. There's another blogger that shared the same thing. Horrible!

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  9. I read this quote years ago and it stuck with me - "You can't control what someone else does, only how you react to them".

    I got caught up in all the negativity (& I'm even guilty of it at times) but in order to have some semblance of sanity and keep blogging, I had to let a lot of it go. The mute button for Twitter is the best invention EVER lol

    I used to write really snarky reviews because that's how I am in real life but I realized the translation in print just comes off as mean most of the time and that's not my intent.

    My negative reviews still get more attention, especially on Goodreads. I think some of that is because there is a lot of book hype out there and you feel like the only one who didn't like this book. So when someone else dares to voice their opinion you're like YES! I'm not the only one. That's my theory anyway.

    Either way - it's no reason to gang up on anyone if they liked or disliked a book. Just move along to the next book.

    Karen @For What It's Worth

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    1. I can relate to the GR part. Sometimes I seek out 3 and below ratings/reviews just to see what I'm getting myself into.

      And you're snarky? No! You don't say... :P

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  10. Yep, I pretty much do like the ostrich and ignore it. Sometimes, I am so stricken dumb by some reactions, comments, etc. I have reached the conclusion that it doesn't matter how messed up I am ( which is considerably), there will always be someone worse than me. Also, we're all snowflakes, dude. Unique as heck, if you get my meaning... Hugs <3

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    1. Hahahaha! I feel you, for some sad reason, there's always someone who's got it worse than me. And you are one of my favorite snowflakes :)

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  11. *Houston we have a problem* LOL! There are so many ppl in this world who love negativity. I've been told that I'm mean and hateful. Want to know why? (Rhetorical) Because I won't sit around and be two faced, go out and party, and just be an overall looser. I love my alone time, I value it. I don't have time for pettiness and drama. I stroll passed it everyday on Facebook. Too much going on in my life to give a s**t about other ridiculous things.

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    1. That's one of the reasons why I quit my old FB page. Married couples airing out the other's infidelity. Slamming the in-laws... really? What happened to not airing dirty laundry and old school convos?

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  12. Negativity is hard to avoid since it's part of life but we certainly don't need to seek it out. There are definitely bloggers who are drama queens and I've had to unfollow them. Life is too short for nonsense.

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    1. Oh yes! I've unfollowed a lot of drama queens. And there are a few who keep it nice in their blogs but are nasty in their SM accounts.

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  13. I think you know that I agree with your post, I too have gotten away from negative blogs and posts. I don't nee it in my life. I try and keep my blog positive and upbeat, and I stay in my corner, I don't particpate on Twitter and all that, I don't have time and don't need it.

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    1. I forgot to mention you, I've been working on this since you post that Tell me Tuesday post a few months ago... amenind now...

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  14. I hope the woes of her life wasn't me and the saga of my punctures!!!!

    I don't see the point in being critical about something you have never read, I haven't read a Rainbow Rowell book, I haven't read them because of their adorable pastel covers or the fact they do seem to be brilliant. I haven't read them because I haven't enough hours in the day to read them!

    I haven't had to any haters in my scope yet but I've only been blogging 18 months so I am sure something will crop up one day.

    I try and make my bad things fun like decorating my puncture debacle with enjoyable gifs!

    This is a great post by the way - Haters gonna hate, they can go hate somewhere else!

    Heather | Random Redheaded Ramblings

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    1. Ooh now I gotta look up this puncture debacle.. and no it's none of you. If it were, I wouldn't be visiting and commenting on your blogs anymore :)

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  15. Braine, I LOVE YOU!!!
    Love this post.
    Usually I try to stay away from haters, but sometimes my inner beatch takes over and drag my soap box out and take a stand.
    I'm a book addict any kind, any genre so ANY ONE who bashes books of ANY genre gets my dander up ;)
    xo
    deb

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  16. Awww <333 I just ignore the haters. They're not even worth my time or effort.

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  17. Reading and blogging is a fun hobby for me, something I really enjoy, so the LAST thing I want is drama and negativity. I steer clear of all of it. I know some people feed off that kind of stuff, and to each their own... But it's definitely NOT for me. :)

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    1. Sometimes these weekly meme questions forces the participants to be negative too. Maybe the hosts should put a positive spin on the Q's so it's constructive than discrouaging.

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  18. Negative crap can be hard to ignore, especially if someone is constantly blogging, tweeting, etc. about it, but that's when I click unfollow because chatting about books is supposed to be fun (and it always is with you!).

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    1. Ditto, Lee! I am not a fangirl but I don't like bashing books too. In my 4 years, I think I only have 2-3 books 1 star and a few DNFs. The DNF means the book isn't for me.

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  19. Oh no I've been talking about my illness all month..that third was is me isn't it. Negative Nellies and Drama Mama's I ignore them and keep a wide birth.

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    1. It's not you! lol

      Yeah, I sometimes think they do it more for the attention than anything.

      Delete
  20. I don't get hate at all really, but when I do get a sassy comment full of shade, I throw it right back! This has literally only happened once or twice, and since as bloggers we should be as professional as possible, I try not to even stoop to that level. Ignore the hate, and if you do have to speak up about it, keep it all the way classy and cute!

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    1. I like your style, martika. Sometimes snark or sarcasm can be subjective, but that first review of yours I read, I totally got the snide humor.

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  21. What the hell is a #freshlyfucked face? Ah well. I don't have the patience for idiocy in social media. I tend to discharge of those baggages quick. Buh-bye.

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    1. Hahaha! It was this fad where couples would post a pic of themselves right after having sex. post coital glow and all

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  22. I've really had to learn to hold my tongue over the years because people can piss me off and I just go off on them. There's a series out there, Anita Blake and I love it. I know there are haters and boy if I write a review they sure let me know just how wrong I am. But I just let them ramble on now...a few years ago I would have gone ahead and done the whole back and forth thing but I've learned to clam down and pick my battles. lol

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    1. *Calm down..not clam. Good grief...

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    2. Anna shared that she got ganged up on Amazon because she dared post a positive review for the last Anita book. Horrible!

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  23. I'm with you, try to stay away from negativity on the interwebz cause there's a ton of it out there. Some people thrive on it and that's sad, we know some is unavoidable but we don't need to seem it out.

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    1. Social media made it easy for this cowards to rant and gripe because they feel safe behind their screens.

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  24. I'm giggling right now, Braine. You seemed to have hit a hot button topic as I see in the comments that folks have had a lot to say. :) I stay away from the haters too. Who needs more negative. I have stopped following blogs that almost never posted a positive review. Really? Every single book you read is bad? Then you need to let someone else pick your reading material. But honestly, I think some people are negative because it's more 'newsworthy', if you will. Maybe I live in a bubble...ignorance is bliss and all. Anyway, great post Braine!! <3 <3

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    1. Oh yeah, those people need to read outside the box or stop reading at all. Can you imagine the frustration of having to read "bad books" only? I'd be so pissed... well maybe that's why they're miserable too lol

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  25. I'm one to veer away from that drama as well. I don't always understand why some bloggers post what they do. But they do. And it's okay to not be fans of those authors. I've got people I'm not fans of that others are. That's what makes the books all so fascinating. There's something for everyone. :)

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    1. Exactly. It's okay not to like a book, but just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it'll be horrible for everyone!

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  26. Hot topic, girl! (lol) I think as bloggers, we've run into some things that may sometimes be less than desirable. I don't really see negativity on any of the blogs I follow, but when I guest post about domestic violence, I have to keep on the kevlar to protect myself. (lol) At first it was a little unnerving, but rather than keep any type of verbal war going, I just keep it professional and respond accordingly or not, if that's best. I do see some crazy comments via Facebook and Twitter, but I'm a firm believer in not being mean-spirited because it can really hurt someone's feelings. Love your witty writing style! Hugs...Ro

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    1. There's some topics like religion and politics that I try not to engage with unless I'm serious about it. Those are things you don't toy with, it's not trivial. and it's annoying when people open their mouths with a lot of conviction only to say things that are not even factual.

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  27. I've never gotten any hate, omg and hopefully, I don't. But I've been to other people's blogs where they hate too much on a book that wasn't even shitty. I mean, like it was a good book, written properly, but since they didn't "like" it or some aspects in it, they rate it 1 star and bash everything about it. I stopped going to this blog because of that. Too much negativity for me, it's not even constructive anymore. Great post btw, Braine!

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  28. Yep its there; no, I don't have to engage with it. 99% of the time that is. There was once when the person equated reviewers with dishonesty and I couldn't let that fly. ;)

    I respect diverse and strong opinions, but not inflammatory remarks or false snark.

    Enjoyed the discussion!

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  29. Ignore, life goes on. You can't wallow in someone else depressing crap if you got your own going on OR hell, if you not depressed...who needs that unhappy mess? no, not you...not me! :D <3

    there is nothing wront with giving your opinion but don't cross the line...so yeah, ignore.

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  30. I mostly ignore the negativity, and I don't specifically look for either positive or negative reviews - I just mostly read reviews on the blogs that I follow :) And it's very seldom I have negative reviews at all these days, I've become quite good at figuring out what I'm in the right mood for, so if the writing isn't a complete disaster, I'll mostly be a happy reviewer.
    Also, I truly believe that trying to see things in a positive light, no matter how hard that can be (especially on certain days!) really helps. It definitely puts me in the right mind-set, and so I ignore the haters, smile at the world and try to share my positive vibes all the way :)
    Great post Braine!!

    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews

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  31. I don't like negative. I steer clear when possible. I get the rants and all. All those recents ones you mentioned above, I'm just now hearing about. They're just plain silly. Why the heck would one bash a series when he/she didn't read them. *eyeroll*

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  32. I f'in LOVE this post! I love to hear someone really say what they are feeling. Preach it sister! I am so on the same page (unless you were talking about me, wait no you don't follow me as far as I know, but maybe....). I don't like those pity party posts, once in while shit happens and I care when people share their crap once in a while, but every post will turn me off quick. Also, I think Top Ten Tuesday might have spurned a bunch of posts about series we haven't read. I did put a bunch up but I wasn't malicious about it, most of the books were ones I wanted to read and just haven't yet. There is NO NEED to be a**holish when posting a book review. Negative reviews should be taken with a grain of salt, at least I always take them like that.

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  33. Hell yes! This is such a great post. Although I find posts where people share too much personal information, I have the biggest problem when a blogger posts a lot of negative personal posts. It's awkward, and just odd. I know that we are all friends in this community to some degree, but we are not that kind of friend. I can't offer the kind of advice that will fix someones life in a comment.

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  34. *sigh* I have so little time on my hands these days, that I don't really unfollow any blogs because of their rants. I just read very little of anything apart from actual books :) But I'm with you on that, Braine. Someone famous said that all happy families are the same and all unhappy ones are miserable in various ways. Same probably goes for negative reviews. I admit sometimes they are like a train wreck, you can't stop reading :)

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  35. I too don't like Kylie and Kendall. I actually didn't know who that whole family was until last year, please let me re-enter that bubble of bliss. My facebook feed is super customised so I don't see all the BS, the moment someone shows up I have no interest in seeing, or they're too negative, that is it and I instantly change it so they don't show up on my feed any more. (Oh and y'know, deleting the ex from every social networking site helped a lot haha)

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My reviews are subjective & does not reflect that of Talk Supe's followers.

Also I LOVE commenting back so if you're checking out a post, leave a line or two and I promise to visit your blog back. Let's feed each other's blogger soul!