May 30, 2012

Miss Vain's Red Light Special [Part Three]

Have y'all had the chance to cool off since reading about Miss Vain's date with Terrible? She sure knows hot to turn the heat up. We were THIS close to calling the fire station to cool the blog off. Miss Vain you are one naughty, naughty lady.

Tonight Miss Vain will be going on her third and final date with one of America's Most Wealthiest Men, Christian Grey. Apparently, Christian's Lady Love, Anastasia Steele, has been absent for quite sometime as she's down in Georgia visiting her Mother ad Step-father. No longer able to keep his sexual needs and desires at bay, Christian decides to pursue his next partner, Miss Vain. It's still unknown as to how the two met. Vain insists they were introduced by a mutual friend but we're guessing Christian discovered her at one of the numerous BDSM clubs he used to partake in.

Without further adieu, we present to you Miss Vain's date with Mr. 50 Shades of F*cked Up, Christian Grey.

It's early in the morning and I've stayed up late weighing to pros and cons of dating a gorgeous successful man, with an appetite for kinky- Fuckery and his unnecessary need for a (Non disclosure statement) NDA. Since my friend Lauren introduced him to me recently with a high recommendation I can't imagine how she knew of his Red Room. I have another date with Christian, so I'm looking through my closet when I get an email.  
From: Christian Grey
To: Miss Vain
Subject: Dinner Mastros?
Hope you slept well Miss Vain. I'll be going to Mastros for dinner tonight, I heard it was your favorite restaurant and coincidentally I just acquired it this morning. Will you join me for dinner?

Christian Grey I don't think it's appropriate that I call you Miss Vain CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
From: Miss Vain
To: Christian Grey
Subject: What's in a name?
Well good morning Sir. I think it's most appropriate to call me Miss Vain, considering I'm still only allowed to call you Sir, am I correct to assume that? Of course Mastros is my favorite restaurant, surprisingly since I told you last night it was my favorite restaurant.
Pick me up at 7.
Miss Vain to you. Dedicated book blogger, lover of Mastro's @ Miss Vain's Paranormal Fantasy

I decide on a sultry satin pale yellow form fitted long gown with no panties and very low V in the front. I settle for my 18KT Gold diamond Cartier watch with 6 KT of diamonds. Simple drop diamond earrings. As I strap the last embellished buckle on my Christian Louboutin's I hear the door bell. He's early. As I open the door he's stunning. Looking as dapper and fierce as ever, in a navy blue designer suit made of the finest silk, definitely not from a sweat shop, gorgeous butter leather shoes, with blue soles from Louboutin's special edition men's line. Everything from his hair to his erotic and dangerously sexy features is begging me to taste him. My inner goddess is swooning. 
As he opens the door to the Audi he informs me that we must stop by Escala to pick up Charley Tango (his helicopter) As we pull into Escala I notice that Taylor takes us to a back route, very mysterious, while Christian is kissing my shoulder and softly caressing hip I feel like a Queen, a very sexy one at that. He leads me up to the penthouse while he's holding my hand, and softly rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs and gently kissing the palms of my hands. 
My inner goddess is doing somersaults and posing in her hot pink sequined bikini. As he leads me inside he almost has me panting with desire for him, and when the elevator opens I suddenly have a primal need to satisfy him, pleasure him, and make him scream my name in ecstasy. I kiss him like my life depends on it, because at this moment it feels like it. I rub my hands down his broad shoulders, hard abs, slowly easing my hands inside his shirt, as he gently dips his tongue inside the V of my low cut dress as I arch into his mouth. Just as I'm getting eager to beg him not to stop. He abruptly stops. He then orders me to strip into only my leopard lace panties. He leaves the room. When he comes back I take a peak when I know he's not watching and I see he's wearing stone washed jeans, unbuttoned and he's shirtless. It's intoxicating! The glorious sight of his chiseled abs glistening with the fierce, sexual, primal look on his face. He commands me to submit to him. He begins to circle me like a lion stalking his prey and I'm unsure if he's trying to decide just how to devour my naked body or if he wants to eat me. At this moment I'll be satisfied with either outcome as long as the predator is Christian Grey. After a long delay he then blindfolds me with a silver silk tie. As i sit on the ground as told in sitting position my anticipation is getting the best of me..... My pulse is racing I'm excited I'm scared, I'm aroused. He asks me, "Say my name." Immediately I say "Christian." I then feel a slap of something hard against my breast. "What's my name?" He says. I remember I supposed to call him Sir. "Sir." "That's better," he says. He then begins stroking my sex through my lace panties and teasing the peaks of my breasts with his tongue, and my inner goddess is screaming in SHOUTY capitals "Oh Christian, Fuck me, Sir." I now know this is him rewarding me for my good behavior. I'm in ecstasy. Abruptly he pulls away, and I'm now lonely without Christian's touch.

He runs something down my breast with something he introduces as a flogger. He then slaps the flogger against my tight tush and it stings but for some unhealthy reason it makes me moist just knowing I'm pleasing him. When I hear him throw it on the floor, I will him to pick it back up, but I've been ordered not to speak unless asked to speak so I keep my head down and I'm quiet. I take a peak when I know he's not watching and I see he's wearing stone washed jeans, unbuttoned and he's shirtless. It's intoxicating! The glorious sight of his chiseled abs glistening with the fierce, sexual, primal look on his face. Suddenly he stops and I immediately want more!! My inner goddess is screaming for more!!!

He orders me to stay put. He leaves the room. It's been a while maybe even 15 minutes. I'm torn because I don't want to upset him, but I feel cold and lonely on this wood floor. I peak and he's nowhere to be found. I put on his buttoned down shirt he has laying on the floor, it smells of Chanel Platinum and i take a moment to breath it in. Heaven. I begin to quietly tip toe outside the room. I hear an angry conversation between he and his security leader he introduced me to as Taylor. I *gasp* when I hear screaming coming from the outside of Escala. I sneak and tip toe upstairs to the window in his bedroom and slip outside his balcony to see a mob of angry women. Wearing shirts of hate and picketing with signs. I'm horrified that someone has mistreated these women and I must know the gossip.

I'm horrified. Has Christian fucked up all of these women with his Fifty Shades of Kinky-Fuckery or are these some insane crazy stalker bitches?? Ill be honest, I'm leaning towards crazy stalker bitches, because they're all equally beautiful. They look like models. Perhaps they're hungry? Maybe I can talk to them, sort this misunderstanding out, send them on their way because I saw some pink furry handcuffs in the Red Room, the night is young and I still desire to be restrained by them.

As I slip outside, I see all these gorgeous brunette woman and they're angry and just as I'm about to run back inside until one of them approaches me. Suddenly my airway feels constricting and I'm in desperate need of my inhaler upon reading her shirt. She introduces herself to me as Jamie and she looks every bit of 9 months pregnant wearing a shirt that says "I Fucked Christian Grey and all I got was his baby." My inner Goddess world is passed out lying on the floor naked and gasping for air. She proceeds to tell me that Christian gave her a night of ecstasy and pain and lust and he dumped her after discovering she spoke of their date to a news executive named E.L. James and she broadcast the story on the 5 o'clock news the UK. Even though she's pregnant I can't help but notice she's got huge perky boobs, she's absolutely beautiful, even if she is pregnant and drinking Grey Goose vodka.

My mind is having a difficult time grasping this mob, and now I wish I would have listened to Christian. My inner goddess is saying I should have listened to Christian. To my left out of the corner of my eye a sign catches my attention that reads "The National Library Association says Christian Grey is corrupting marriages" Is this chick out of her mind? She looks lovely with her brunette hair pulled into a tight bun, rosy cheeks and glasses. She smiles kindly at me, and I introduce myself to her. She tells me her name is Braine and she's President of the National Library Association. I realize that Braine looks more like a Victoria's Secret model with her banging hot body than a librarian. WTF does that have to do with Christian? My inner goddess is dry heaving. She then proceeds to inform me that Christian is having sex with women, teaching them BDSM, spoiling them with riches and leaving them a broken shell of a woman, she says these women are seeking pornographic books to fill the void, never to interact with society as a civilized member again. I frown at this. No this woman can't be serious.

Desperate to run away I bump into two incredibly sexy prostitutes? Sluts? Whores? Hookers? Escorts? I'm not sure what the appropriate term for theses women would be except that they're dressed like they're getting ready to get fucked by the band the Village People. The one with the big teased hair is smoking while the other wears a fierce Faux-hawk is chomping on her gum and blowing bubbles. Wow, the way that one with the gum twirls her tongue, she must get paid double for that skill. The one smoking the cigarette immediately asked if I'm looking to hire them both. Hire them both? Huh? The talented one with the gum sees the puzzled look on my face and says "We're just fucking with you, we're strictly dickly." My inner goddess is ROTFL and that, while my cheeks blush out of embarrassment. Talented gum chewer then says "My name is Annie and my business partner here is Sawesome." and I say "Sawesome?" "Yeah Sexy + Awesome =Sawesome." So Sawesome is the cigarette smoker and Annie is gum talent. Looking at their appearance I notice that Sawesome is wearing leather chaps with no panties I quickly look away, chuckling to myself while I feast my eyes upon Annie who apparently is wearing what appears to be a leather onesie with her nipple rings poking through the leather. My overall thoughts on the two is that they have rocking hot bodies but like I said earlier they look like they're waiting to get fucked hard by the Village People. I wonder if these two know they're all gay men in that band? They then proceed to tell me they're waiting on billionaire entrepreneur Christian Grey because he's their play toy of choice. Noooooo this is insane.

Just when I thought this mob couldn't get any crazier. I spot a Pretty woman, that looks familiar to me, she's carrying a bottle of Covasieur that's she's gulping down as if it's her salvation. I can't help but notice she's wearing a red bandanna loosely tied to her Louis Vuitton luggage she's strolling down the street pulling. She's a hot mess; she's mumbling to herself about how she must get Christian back over and over again. As she nears I notice the red bandanna is coated with Bulldogs. She must be from Fresno. She throws me the Westside gang symbol. Most definitely from Fresno, maybe a Bulldog gang member. She looks like a skinny cover model except she has DDD boobs so I'm thinking Porn Star? I can't help but notice that her heel is broke off of her Louboutin's causing her to walk a 6 inch limp. It's then that I discover she's wearing an ankle monitor. I gasp out loud. Sawesome and Annie Girl whisper that Cimmaron has violated her probation. They go on to tell me that Cimmaron and Christian Grey had a weekend fling 2 years ago, he gave her sex, money, and a house when he left he. They're unsure of the full details but something to do with kidnapping Christian, forcing him to spank her, "apparently he has a restraining order against her that she violates daily." Sawesome informed me.

Sirens begin blaring and I panic. The mob begins to run, it's a stampede of Christian Grey stalkers, I can't help but feel sorry for poor Cimmaron with her broke Louboutin's hobbling away as a cop picks her up and puts her in the backseat after handcuffing her.

I begin to run away as tears fill my eyes, I can no longer see. I haven't idea where I'm going, but I'm sad that I'm ruining my manicured feet as I realize I'm running barefoot in downtown Seattle, WA. I fall, everything goes pitch black. I hear someone calling my name. It sounds oddly familiar. I feel them tugging at my arms, it must be the crazy Cristian Grey stalkers. They've caught me, their holding me down, I'm blind. Then I hear again, "Wake up its Lauren, you're going to be late for your big date with Christian." My eyes pop open. "You must have fallen asleep, Christian is going to be here in 20 minutes to pick you up."

*Whew* It was all just a nightmare. My inner goddess is doing poses wearing only her thong and a garter and practicing her kissey face for Christian. While she's doing cartwheels with excitement, I think I might be nauseated with dread.

About Miss Vain
She's 31 years old and a lover of all things paranormal. She reads too much, talks books too much, and quite often forgets that these people that drive her crazy, and the men that overload her daydreams are FICTIONAL!

Follow her on Twitter @soooovain  


  1. LMAO! That was fantastic!! Great job, Miss Vain!
    Now I have to go read the other ones ;-)

    1. If Jamie is going to be drinking while pregnant at least she's drinking the good stuff. LMAO! Someone seriously needs to make those "I Fucked Christian Grey and all I got was His Baby" shirts.

    2. Are you sure they aren't already available on the internet? =)

    3. I told you it's such an awesome series!!!!

    4. I think we should have those shirts made and go to an EL James signing!!! LOL.....or all of us meet up and wear them!! LOL... I was dying when I gave Jamie that shirt LOL

    5. I'm not pregnant but I would love to have one of those shirts. But most importantly I would like to EARN the right to wear that shirt. Christian Grey, where are you? Let's fuck so I can get one of your babies growing inside me. LMAO!

    6. I'm totally preggers and I would totally wear that shirt, lol!!

  2. LOL!!!!!! I LOVED THIS!!!! GREAT JOB VAIN!!! Thanks for including me.

    Jamie's part was hilarious!


    1. Hi Annie Girl!! If only you shared a love for FIDDY!!!! At least we know that between FIDDY & Will Ferrell you would chose FIDDY and that made Cimmaron & I happy!!! Thanks!

  3. BWAHAHAHAH! I LOVE the mob of angry women, the Village People and Cimmaron part of Bulldog gang! But more importantly THANK YOU for fulfilling my dream of becoming a suacy librarian and a PRESIDENT at that.


    1. Hi Braine

      Thank you for having me on your blog!!! Also of course I made you a naughty librarian...not only is that your life long ambition but since that's your stage name when you perform at The Spearmint Rhino in Vegas I figured you should be able to wear it proud....perhaps even advertise!!! XOXO

    2. I left Spearmint a long time ago in favor of The Crazy Horse here in Nashville. I do my librarian act every Wednesday nights to get them through the hump day LOL. For all the other days, I alternate being Asa to the tune of Gold and Teresa Guidice shaking my romp to Melissa Gorga's On Display.

  4. Love how you incorporated everyone...great job :)

  5. I LOVE AlL you guys!!! Thank you for letting me poke fun at all my Fifty Lovers!!! LOL.

    Thank you girlies for havi me on to have some X Rated fun! LOL. I love you guys intros you give me, each night. I feel like a stripper coming out and I'm being announced!! LOL.

  6. Oh my goodness I love this. Even if I am a teased hair smoker with leather chaps and no panties on... hahaha Oh my goodness that was just hilarious. I love it. Great job!!

    1. Oh Sawesome!!! I hope you didn't mind being a smoker!! At least you were a sexy smoker and I love teased hair!! The bigger the hair the closer you are to Heaven!! It's true!!;)

      I had so much fun writing this lmao!!! Thanks girlie xoxo

  7. I love that fact that I am a gangbanger with Triple D books walking around in broke Louboutin heels dragging my Louis Vuitton luggage. Vain you had me 100% pegged and we've never actually met in person. You must have been stalking me before you wrote this story.

    Thanks again for being our Guest Blogger for the month. We've had so much fun reading your stories. Honestly, you should make it a monthly special on your blog. Date Night with Miss Vain!

    1. Cimmaron,

      Maybe you're right, maybe I have done my fair share of stalking and I researched you for this role!! Lmao!! I knew you would appreciate the Louboutin heels, and Louis Vuitton luggage. In November of last year I was inside the Rodeo Drive LV and they had this gorgeous fushia pink patent leather rolloer luggage and it was like $5,000.00 and since I couldn't afford it I rolled it around in front of the mirror and posed and I imagine just how insanely awesome I would look rolling this through the airport, so therefore I decided to give you the same thrill I had in my LV luggage fantasy world since for noe until I meet Christian or Gideon it will be Samsonite for me. Lol!!!.

      As far as the gang part goes I had to throw a little Fresno Bulldogs into the mix since your so crazy over Christian I thought why not send her bonkers!! Lmao!!! I'm so happy you girlies had me on your blog because it was so much fun even though I was very shy about it. Lol.

      Thank you Braine & Cimmaron

      I think Date Night with Miss Vain is an excellent idea!! I think I will do that, however it would be sooooooo much fun if I had Double Date Night with Miss Vain!! Then I can have guest like how fun would it be Cimmaron if you and Braine shared Double Date Night on my blog with me.....we both write our dates and schenanegans while on a double date with our book boyfriends!! I LOVE that!! Lol.

      I'm going to email you tomorrow with an idea!!

      Love you girlies!!! Muah!

  8. Lol! Miss Vain you won me over at Kinky-fuckery. Loved it!

    1. Hey girlie!!! What a good read without some Kinky-Fuckery!!! My two favorite words put together!! Lol. Thank you <3

  9. Bwahhhhhh!!! At least you have me portrayed half-way realistically. If it weren't for this baby bump, I would totally be sipping on the Goose ;-) You just made my entire day!

    The chaps, the teased hair, the crazy Cimm with the D's, the banging hot librarian....

    LOVE IT! <------ SHOUTY CAPS!


  10. HAHA! Glad you loved it you preggers Grey Goose sipping Fifty Stalker!!! If I were your husband I would demand a paternity test btw!! Lmao! SHOUTY capitals!! Thanks for being a good sport Jamie xoxo


My reviews are subjective & does not reflect that of Talk Supe's followers.

Also I LOVE commenting back so if you're checking out a post, leave a line or two and I promise to visit your blog back. Let's feed each other's blogger soul!